i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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