Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
