this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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