He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
