I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
