I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
