i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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