you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
