i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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