i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
