It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
