I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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