I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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