Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
