I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
