Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
A+ Viking dick
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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