Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
4 words: hood of his car
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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