I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
