So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
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We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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