I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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