He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
