she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
