you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
