i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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