I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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