he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.