Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?