i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.