I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
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so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
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She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.