I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
do herpes really smell.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"