That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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