I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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