drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It's just like the Real World with babies
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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