Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
