Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
