if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
