So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
