I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
