I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
