i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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