When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
