toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
