sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
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