I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
