I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
