why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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