we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
