Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
