well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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