1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
