you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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