i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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