just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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