her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
honey bunches of taint.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
