Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
