Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Your shirt... Was in my pants
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
