what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
A bitchslap is in order.
I forget how to act sober
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
