Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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