I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
