Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
