I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
