Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
