the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
