Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
