I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Randomize
