I'm gonna have a badass scar
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
